9:15 on a Sunday night and John comes in our bedroom. I'm on my belly watching tv while Joey is drifting off to sleep in the Pack N Play next to the bed. "Asleep?" I ask, but I see the answer -- a negative -- following close on his Daddy's heels. "He's afraid of the thunder and wants Mommy to help him go to sleep." I sigh and follow my son into his bedroom. There is no thunder. But there is a Mommy to help him go to sleep.
9:18 I sit in the rocking chair and start to sing. I don't sing traditional lullabies: partly because I don't know the words to any lullabies and partly because it would bore me. So I sing Barenaked Ladies, Billy Joel, and Paul Simon. I watch the triangle of light from the ajar bedroom door waver on the ceiling as I rock back and forth. I watch the shadow of the oscillating fan move back and forth. I sing, "People say I'm crazy; I've got diamonds on the soles of my shoes," as a million thoughts race through my head: first among them that it's time I start this blog. Two songs and he's out and I silently slip out through his door.
9:30 I go back to the bedroom where Joey is all but out. I watch a few minutes of tv with John. Then I feel a small hand on my calf. "You were not in your chair." "Oh buddy," I say, "I thought you were asleep!" "You were not in your chair," he repeats, this sentence summarizing my role in his life quite neatly. I'm expected to be in a certain place in order to keep his world turning at the right speed and tilt. I was not where I was supposed to be, and even in his sleep he knew this. I try to get him to climb up and fall asleep on our bed, but he is distracted by the tv.
9:38 I follow him back and sing five more songs. Then I sit silently for five more minutes... just to be sure. I slip out once again and this time sleep sticks. Joey is still awake, but barely. We know that he will drift off on his own, so John and I go downstairs.
10:15 We've been trying to watch Burn Notice for about twenty minutes when Joey begins crying. And after a few minutes, it's evident that this is needy crying as opposed to overtired fussing. So I go back upstairs to nurse him back to sleep.
11:02 I go downstairs. "It's 11:00 and all of my children are sleeping," I say to John. He smiles. But it's too late now to watch Burn Notice. We watch Jeopardy! and go to bed.
9:18 I sit in the rocking chair and start to sing. I don't sing traditional lullabies: partly because I don't know the words to any lullabies and partly because it would bore me. So I sing Barenaked Ladies, Billy Joel, and Paul Simon. I watch the triangle of light from the ajar bedroom door waver on the ceiling as I rock back and forth. I watch the shadow of the oscillating fan move back and forth. I sing, "People say I'm crazy; I've got diamonds on the soles of my shoes," as a million thoughts race through my head: first among them that it's time I start this blog. Two songs and he's out and I silently slip out through his door.
9:30 I go back to the bedroom where Joey is all but out. I watch a few minutes of tv with John. Then I feel a small hand on my calf. "You were not in your chair." "Oh buddy," I say, "I thought you were asleep!" "You were not in your chair," he repeats, this sentence summarizing my role in his life quite neatly. I'm expected to be in a certain place in order to keep his world turning at the right speed and tilt. I was not where I was supposed to be, and even in his sleep he knew this. I try to get him to climb up and fall asleep on our bed, but he is distracted by the tv.
9:38 I follow him back and sing five more songs. Then I sit silently for five more minutes... just to be sure. I slip out once again and this time sleep sticks. Joey is still awake, but barely. We know that he will drift off on his own, so John and I go downstairs.
10:15 We've been trying to watch Burn Notice for about twenty minutes when Joey begins crying. And after a few minutes, it's evident that this is needy crying as opposed to overtired fussing. So I go back upstairs to nurse him back to sleep.
11:02 I go downstairs. "It's 11:00 and all of my children are sleeping," I say to John. He smiles. But it's too late now to watch Burn Notice. We watch Jeopardy! and go to bed.
Look at you getting your write on! Woo! You're really good. :D Look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteYay! A blog! My comment will work this time...
ReplyDeleteNice post! I've had nights like that, too.
ReplyDelete